


Rough Road

by Macx



Series: Balance [10]
Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-11
Updated: 2011-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-19 07:08:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macx/pseuds/Macx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A misunderstanding pits Krad against Dark, but not like in the past. Dark has to travel a rough road to get where his partner is, in the hellish past of a life Dark never knew his counterpart lived. Satoshi is along for the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rough Road

by Macx and Lara Bee

 

WARNINGS: implied non-con (that means: we mention it, but it's not described) in flashback recollection  
   
   
 

It was this season again and Hikari Satoshi watched with amusement as his more romantically inclined lover went about decorating their house, setting up a tree, and baking cookies. While Emiko supplied them with a bunch of home made bakery goods already, it had become tradition for Daisuke to try out a new recipe each year. Mostly they were edible, sometimes rather experimental, and only once had they burned in the oven – which had been mostly Satoshi's fault, he had to confess. The sight of Daisuke had been too tempting and the ensuing encounter had only been interrupted by the smoke alarm going off.

Oh well.

Satoshi had never found Christmas to be a note worthy occasion. It was a way too commercial invention, he usually claimed. Starting in late August shops would already carry Christmas products and by the end of November there was hardly a place where he could set foot in and not get doused by too much Christmas spirit. December would be the culmination of it all where even the TV was running old movies, Christmas specials and whatnot.

When he had been younger he would just ignore it all, retreat to the cold, empty apartment he called a home, and do… whatever. After the destruction of the Black Wings and with it his freedom from Krad he had slowly been pulled back into the world of humanity by a very insistent Niwa family. And Daisuke. Especially Daisuke. They hadn't become lovers for a few more years after the end of Dark and Krad, but they had always been friends.

Satoshi smiled as he walked through the house, noting how discretely Daisuke had decorated everything. There were no garish, blinking lights, no mechanical ho-ho-hos, and no Christmas music running all day. The tree had been decorated tastefully and Dark had had great fun helping his Tamer. Satoshi had watched them from where he had sat on the couch, working as always, and he had felt Krad's interest in the proceedings.

Krad, like him, was new to the world of holidays, fun and family warmth, but Satoshi had a head start. Krad was just getting accustomed to it all. One Christmas had been celebrated already and it had been the pivotal point in his and Dark's relationship. Soon after that they had become lovers. Now, a year later, the demon was still amazed by it all.

Satoshi was just about to step into the living room when he was grabbed, held around the waist by a firm arm, tilted backwards, and he gasped. Reflexes kicked in, locking muscles, but also keeping him from lashing out at his 'attacker'. He had been trained well by his step-father and he still remembered a few things quite well, especially on instinct.

And then there was a pair of lips on his and his brain stopped, changed gears from fighting to loving, and the gasp turned into a kiss.

A hot kiss.

A long and hot kiss.

Satoshi's hands clawed and curled into the shirt of his attacker, holding on for safety just in case the arm around his waist might falter. He was just about to return the kiss when something registered, when something suddenly felt strange…

And his eyes flew wide open.

His attacker released his mouth, feeling the change of moods, and violet eyes laughed at him from out of a face that wasn't Daisuke's.

"Dark?" he sputtered.

The kaitou grinned cheekily. "The one and only."

"What the…? You kissed me!"

"Sure did."

Satoshi's brain was trying to change gears yet again and grinding helplessly.

"Why?"

Dark's grin grew impossibly wide and he pointed over their heads with his free hand. Satoshi stared at the innocent piece of greenery that dangled over the door.

Mistletoe.

Mistletoe!

 _Daisuke! I'm going to kill you!_ he growled silently.

"It's tradition," Dark went on, still holding him.

"No, it's stupid! It's not a free for all, Dark!" Satoshi replied, feeling angry and stupid in one.

He had reacted to Dark! He had… shit!

Dark smiled, the smile having nothing of the teasing grin of before. It was a little apologetic.

"I thought it was a tradition," he corrected himself.

Satoshi sighed. "It is, Dark. It is. It's just… I'm not exactly used to having people kiss me… Other people… You."

Dark finally helped him straighten up and grinned with a little of his old, mischievous smile. "Get used to it, Sato. You walk under a mistletoe, get ready to be kissed."

He leaned forward and brushed their lips together. "Still standing there," he whispered, eyes sparkling.

Satoshi made two steps back and bumped into something. He whirled around and found himself looking at none other than his lover.

Daisuke was looking both confused and… bothered?

"Dai…" Satoshi began.

"Is this a private kiss or can anyone join in?" Daisuke asked.

Satoshi was flailing for a single, normal thought. He had just been kissed by Dark – twice – and now Daisuke was… asking what?

And then those well-known lips were on his, gentle but persistent, teasing his lips open, a tongue following ever-so slowly. Satoshi didn't think at all any more. He just reacted. He wrapped his arms around his lover, answered the affectionate contact, deepening it, and he felt Daisuke hug him impossibly close. The kiss grew, lengthened, became more possessive.  
   
 

Dark watched his Tamer and Satoshi, watched as a simple kiss became more, hotter, and he felt himself react to the erotic display of two men kissing the living daylights out of each other. He had seen Daisuke behind Satoshi before the Hikari had been aware of it, and he had seen the bothered, maybe even jealous light in those brown eyes. Daisuke might have hung up the mistletoe, but he hadn't planned on seeing his lover getting kissed by someone other than himself.

Now he was quite positively reasserting his claim and Dark grinned, moving silently away from the door. Kissing Satoshi hadn't been bad and judging from the response he had been getting, Satoshi had enjoyed it, too.

He was just about to walk up the stairs when he discovered a figure standing there, golden eyes gazing at him, as well as the two young men kissing each other not far away.

"Oh, hey Krad!" He smiled brightly at the sight of his lover.

The smile was wiped off his face the moment hands grabbed him roughly and shoved him against the wall.

"Uh… Krad?" Dark blurted. "What…?"

"You kissed Satoshi!"

"It was a mistletoe… it's a tradition!" he defended himself.

Geez! Why was everyone making such a fuss out of it?

Krad glared at him, clearly not amused. There was a prickle of energy around him that told Dark that something was seriously pissing his lover off. It wouldn't be such an innocent tradition as kissing under a mistletoe, right?

"Krad, listen, it's just a Christmas fun, okay?"

The blond stared at him, then stepped back, shaking his head. He whirled around and walked away.

Dark was stunned for a moment, then ran after him.

"Krad!" he called. "C'mon! You're taking this way too seriously! It's not like I was being unfaithful or anything!"

The tall figure stopped, muscles tensing. "No, you weren't unfaithful," the demon ground out. "You just kissed Satoshi."

"If you had walked through that door I would have kissed you!" Dark argued, still not seeing the problem.

"It wasn't me."

"No, that we already know, and it seems to be the problem."

Krad's eyes narrowed. "Yes, it is a problem! Hands off my Tamer! Is that clear?"

The last was said with such menace, Dark froze. Then something old kicked in. Something suicidal even. It was a part of Dark that had loved to taunt Krad in the past when they had still been on opposite sides.

"Why?" he demanded. "You interested in him? Wanna fuck him?"

Krad hissed and there was a light in his eyes that had Dark brake immediately.

 _Oh shit!_ he thought frantically. _Oh shit! No, no, no… I didn't just say that, right? Right?!_

But he had. Oh goddamnit, he had!

He hadn't meant it! Not like that!

Feral, golden eyes glared at him and for a moment he was feeling an old fear, a fear he hadn't experienced for a while… a long while… Looking into those eyes, eyes that had been filled with murder, madness and touches of insanity Dark had never even pondered, he was back in the old times.

Not the good old times.

The dangerous old times when this demon had mercilessly hunted him, wanted to kill him…

"Krad, I… I didn't mean it like that… I… oof!"

Those feline eyes were right in his face, a hand clamped around his throat, his back pressed into the wall. "You meant every word, kaitou. Every damn little word!" Krad whispered harshly. "I would never touch Satoshi. Never. Implying that… would be like me implying you fucking Daisuke."

Dark's eyes widened and he whimpered. "Krad…"

"He is mine, you understand? Mine. My host, my tamer, my partner. But I'm not sexually abusing him!"

 _Abusing?_ Dark thought faintly. _Who said anything…?_

The demon snarled and stepped back, then whirled around and left. There was a door banging shut and Dark could more feel than see his lover taking off.

"No," breathed. "Gods, no… Krad…"

What had he done? What had he done!

And then he became aware of the two watchers. A pale Daisuke was staring at him as Dark sank down the wall, shaking, shocked…

"Dark?" he asked.

"I didn't mean it!" the kaitou whispered. "I didn't…"

"Too bad it didn't sound like you didn't mean it," Satoshi remarked dryly.

Dark stumbled to his feet, knees wobbly. "I have to find him… I have to make him understand…"

"No," Satoshi's still cold voice stopped him. "No, you don't. You stay here. This is my job." He glanced at Daisuke and Daisuke nodded.

"Go," Niwa murmured. "I'll take care of matters here."

A little kiss was placed on his lips and then Satoshi was gone, grabbing his coat on the way out.

Dark still leaned against the wall, utterly shell-shocked. He was aware of Daisuke close by, then a gentle hand touched him and he followed the guiding motion.

What had he done?

And the better question was: why?

*

Dark sat in the kitchen, head buried in his arms on the table. There was a cup of steaming hot coffee sitting in front of him; he could smell the enticing aroma, but at the moment he couldn't care less about what he had been offered.

"I'm so sorry," he groaned. "I didn't mean it. It was just…"

"Why did you say it?"

Dark's head came up and hurt, violet eyes met his Tamer's serene brown ones. "Said what?"

"Well, everything. Mostly about Krad and Satoshi."

"I don't know," he muttered.

Daisuke sipped at his coffee. "You jealous?"

Dark winced. Jealous of Satoshi? Why should he? It wasn't like Krad and his Tamer were… well… together.

"No…"

"You and Krad are lovers," Daisuke went on almost conversationally. "You share as much as Satoshi and I do, but there is a last step you can never take, something only you and I share, just like only Satoshi and Krad share this intimacy. That of Tamer and symbiote."

"Dai, no… I wouldn't insinuate…" he began to protest.

"You did. You asked Krad if he wants to sleep with his host. Would you sleep with me, Dark?"

Dark jumped up, the chair scraping back and almost falling over. "No! No, never! Daisuke…!"

"Then why imply that Satoshi and Krad do?"

It brought him up short. Looking into those still very serene eyes, Dark felt a shiver run through him.

"I was angry."

"At what?"

"Krad… Krad he yelled at me for kissing Satoshi…"

"Rightfully so."

"But it was a mistletoe!" Dark argued.

"This was a bit more, Dark," Daisuke begged to differ. "A mistletoe is a peck on the cheek, not a full-blown kiss. What would you have done if it had been me and Krad?"

Dark's eyes turned colder. "He wouldn't do that…"

"How do you know?"

Dark tensed, then sank back onto the chair just to bury his head in his arms again. "I'm so screwed, Dai. So completely messed up!"

"You know that Krad's relationship with Satoshi is special," his host reminded him softly. "Krad needs Satoshi very badly and he always did. Ever since you two returned, Sato and he have found the necessary balance to be what they couldn't achieve in the past – equal partners. But Krad is also a wounded soul and each blow in that direction hurts him badly. You know what he went through with the Hikari family, Dark."

"I know," he whispered.

Gods, did he know. He had never thought that his other half had led such a miserable, tormented life..

"Say, Dark, do you love me?" Daisuke suddenly asked.

The dark head came up. "What? Of course!"

"In what way?" Daisuke wanted to know.

Dark stopped, frowned, then shrugged. "You're my friend, my host… my Tamer. At first you were just the new kid. I mean, I was bound to appear in every Niwa boy… but you proved to be much more." His expression softened. "You meant a lot to me… more than any other host before that day I awoke in you. We had fun, but… if I had had a choice, I wouldn't have ever left again."

Daisuke's eyes were filled with warmth and he smiled gently. "I felt the same, Dark. I wasn't happy about having you, but you grew on me, and the six years after you disappeared… it hurt. It hurt me very, very much. I missed something vital. So… you love me. Do you love Krad?"

"Yes!" Dark blurted.

Gods, yes, he loved that blond demon!

"But there is a difference in your love for him and for me?" Daisuke insisted.

"Uh, yes… I mean, he's my lover and… you are…"

Dai smiled. "Yes. I am your Tamer, your host, your friend. You protect me, I protect you, and we're bound together. Just like Krad and you. You are halves of the same artwork. You were together in the Black Wings and you finally found yourselves back as one again now. But Dark, Krad differs from you, and your relationship to me. He's not your image, nor your mirror image. He's a separate entity."

"I know that."

"What would you choose to do if it was either me or Krad?"

Dark frowned. "Dai, I couldn't…"

"Choose. Now. Me or Krad?"

Dark hung his head. "I'd choose you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my Tamer. I need you more…" he stopped.

"And Krad would always choose Sato, Dark. Always. And he protects him fiercely. It doesn't mean they are lovers. Just like we aren't."

Dark moaned again and let his head hang down again, the black strands falling into his eyes.

Daisuke touched him, ran a gentle hand over his tousled, black hair. He was so completely messed up… such an idiot… and maybe he had just blown his only chance at a relationship that meant more to him than all the art in the world.

And then Dark slung his arms around his host's waist, buried his head against the flat stomach and felt the first sobs leave him as warm hands continued to caress him.

* * *

Satoshi had spent the last hours searching for his symbiote and he had found him in a place he hadn't really dared to look at first. But after a long and rather unsuccessful search for Krad, he had gone to the only remaining place he could think the demon might be –

\-- the catacombs where the Black Wings had been before it had been destroyed.

Satoshi had never returned to this place after the horrifying events of his past. He had made a vow never to come back, to look around the cavernous room, feel the cold seep into his clothes, into his flesh, into his bones… and into his soul. Satoshi suppressed another shiver as he looked at the remains of the gigantic anchor chains that lay in discarded heaps, debris of the last fight. There was no physical evidence of the Black Wings itself. The work of art had been utterly destroyed. He was glad he didn't have to look at the black slab with its ugly contents. No one who had ever seen the Black Wings could believe that such beautiful creatures as Dark and Krad had been born of it.

He walked past the altar-like locking mechanism that had been his step-father's death and Satoshi averted his eyes from the broken, demonic skull that had protected the most vital piece of the lock. His steps echoed faintly in the cavern, but his steps didn't stir up any dust. It was like time had stopped down here. No spider webs, no dust particles, no creepy crawly insects… just the twilight and the memories.

Satoshi shook himself as those memories pushed forward and he concentrated on why he had come here.

There, up ahead, sitting on a large piece of debris, was Krad, his white wings shining in the semi-darkness of the room. The wings were slightly curled, as if protecting him, but not folded tightly around the demon's body. His face held a vacant expression, but the eyes burned. Feline and golden, they reflected the meager light and for a moment Satoshi felt his breath catch.

 _He's not the nightmare of my past_ , he told himself firmly.

No, Krad wasn't his curse any more.

“Krad?” he asked softly.

The demon didn’t move, didn’t do anything to acknowledge his presence.

“Krad. Talk to me.”

“There is nothing to talk about.” The voice was flat, devoid of life.

“I heard what Dark said,” Satoshi stated, seeing his demon flinch. “He didn’t mean it, and I know you’d never…“

“He’s right.”

Satoshi blinked. “What?”

“He’s right,” Krad repeated. “I wanted you once. Like that. I know it’s sick and perverted, but that’s what I am.”

Inhuman huge eyes regarded him carefully and Satoshi sank down on the next best debris, shock cursing through his system. Krad had… with him?

"Krad?" he whispered in disbelief.

There was a sad smile and the golden eyes closed briefly. White wings trembled a little.

“You were fourteen, my Tamer, and I… Sato, I’m really sorry.”

Satoshi swallowed, finally realizing how Krad seemed to become smaller by the minute.

“Do you... I mean, still…?” he somehow managed to get out.

Krad shook his head vigorously. “No! No, not at all! Not any more! You have to believe me, Sato, that was ten years ago. And it just was because it was the only way I knew to express love, the only way I learned."

The white wings curled closer, like a shield, keeping the suddenly so fragile form inside safe.

"If Dark hadn’t sealed us back into the Black Wings, who knows what I would have done… You were just a child, but you were everything I could have and the only thing that meant everything to me. I loved you… and I wanted… oh gods…”

Krad buried his head into his hands, and Satoshi just stared at the demon. And then it registered.

“What do you mean, the only way you learned?” he stammered.

Krad just moaned miserably, drawing his knees up, hugging himself. “That’s history…“

History? It was that history that conjured up all their problems! Satoshi felt a wave of anger, but he quickly pushed it away. So much had happened to Krad in the past three hundred plus years, and it had shown Satoshi that behind the monster he had seen in the demon lurked a nearly shattered soul that had been barely holding it together by the time the curse had been inflicted upon him.

“Krad?” he asked softly.

The demon didn’t look at him, fixating a spot on the ground. His hands were clenched into fists, his face tight with emotions. Satoshi blinked when he saw faint red marks appear on the demon's wrists. What the…?

“What would you do if you had someone like me, chained and defenseless, and you were a perverted bastard?” Krad said almost tonelessly.

Oh.my.god.

No…

He couldn't mean… No way!

Satoshi felt the blood leave his face as he tried to understand what Krad was revealing here, and he prayed he’d understood him wrong.

“Who did what to you?” he heard himself ask, his voice alien to him.

“If you’re in our realm, you can touch me, like I can touch you. We're both corporeal."

Satoshi found himself nodding. He knew that. When he had been a child he had feared that realm because it meant his curse could physically touch him, but now it meant being able to be close to Krad without him having to separate.

"There were two or three of your ancestors who… liked to touch me… and more… while they were… jerking off.”

 _Holy…_

Satoshi slid deeper into shock, all blood draining from his face. His lungs felt devoid of air and there was a scream of denial rising in his mind.

“You mean you were… raped?” he managed.

Krad nodded slowly. “I think you could call it that. They said it was because I was so handsome, so cute. Because I was theirs, because they… they loved…“

Krad groaned, unable to continue.

Satoshi sat rooted to the spot, feeling his thoughts whirl, feelings of fury and love and possessiveness clash into each other.

His ancestors had… they really had…

 _No!_

How much more? How much more would he learn about his demon’s past, about the oh so noble house of the Hikari?

“You have to believe me, Sato, I’d never touch you like that," Krad whimpered, his voice so small and pleading. "I’ll never touch you again, if you want to… just… please?”

The golden eyes were huge, almost dilated, and nothing of the horror Satoshi had briefly felt when he had seen them glint in the twilight was there. All he could see was the fragile, suffering soul that was clinging to a straw.

"I can't live without you," Krad continued, voice full of begging. "Just let me exist… please…?"

Satoshi doubted Krad knew what he was begging for so desperately, but the tone of voice, the blatant need, pulled him out of his rigor. He slid to his demon’s side, carefully wrapping an arm around the shaking form.

“I understand,” he whispered, stroking the blond head as it fell against his shoulders, pulling Krad close.

"I'm not like them," Krad moaned, burying himself against his Tamer. "I wouldn't do this to you. I'd never… I never… ever…"

"I believe you," he whispered into the blond strands.  “I’m here.”

Krad clung to him like a child, shaking, tears tracking down his face, but there was barely a sound escaping him. Satoshi just stroked over his head, pressing his lips to the nearest temple, murmuring soothing words.

Krad whispered again and again that he would never touch Satoshi that way, that he swore he would stop himself, pleading to be allowed to be with his host.  
Satoshi murmured reassurance, promises, that nothing had changed. He felt shell-shocked by the revelation, by the sheer insanity of his ancestors who had so badly abused this magical being. Satoshi felt protectiveness rise and he cradled Krad closer.

How much more did he have to make amends for? How much more of his symbiote's suffering would be unveiled? How much more old scars would break open? And how much more could Krad take?

The demon quieted down a little after a while, but Satoshi never stopped his caresses. His eyes fell on one exposed wrist and he swallowed hard as he saw the scars.

Like burn scars. Marks of the chains that had kept Krad 'tame'. Scars that told of his imprisonment, of the inhuman treatment he had received, of the exorcisms and the mind-numbing pain.

Suddenly his own title as a 'Tamer' felt sick to him. He wouldn't do that to Krad, ever! He would never tie him down, abuse him… torture him. Even if he had hated him as a child, ten years had passed and the demon now clinging to him was a very different soul to the creature that had made his life hell.

Those scars…

He traced light finger tips over one and heard Krad gasp a little. The hand was pulled away, trying to hide. He took it gently.

"It's okay…" he soothed. "I'm so sorry, Krad. So terribly sorry. I can never make up to you what my family did. I'm sorry…"

Golden eyes, swimming with wetness, gazed at him and Krad gently touched his face.

"You're not to blame, Satoshi," he whispered, voice rough. "You don't have to… apologize… make amends…"

"I'm a Hikari."

"Yes, and you're my host. You took me back, you were ready to die, but you gave me a chance. You were the only one after my first host." He smiled dimly. "You gave me a life, an existence, not… slavery."

Satoshi gazed at the other visible marks, the scars around Krad's throat, and the nausea rose more. He knew why he was seeing it. Krad had lost control and the past showed. All of it. Every sick little detail. Three hundred years of such suffering…

But Krad had survived.

"I could kill them for what they did to you," he whispered.

Krad let his head fall against his shoulder again. "Too late."

He almost laughed. "I know." Satoshi continued his soothing caress of the slender form in his arms. "I know," he murmured.

It didn't change his feelings.

"Krad?" he murmured after a while.

"Yes?"

"You realize that what Dark said… he didn't think about it."

A short pause, then, "Yes. But he still hit home." A derisive laugh. "All because of some stupid human tradition."

Satoshi smiled a little, hugging him close. "Yes, very stupid. I've been trying to get it into Daisuke's head for years. No chance. Well, this year it really backfired."  
"I know Dark wasn't thinking," Krad murmured, repeating the earlier statement. "He likes to make fun, have fun, and he is fun. I love him, Satoshi. I truly do. But… it hurt. Seeing you and him… Not just because he's my lover, but also because it was you."

"I understand."

And Satoshi did. Close to two years of having Krad back had given him a unique insight into this complicated, jaded soul. He understood the possessiveness and he understood its expressions in the real world, as well as the mind they shared.

"I understand completely."

He shivered a little all of a sudden, for the first time feeling the cold of the dungeon-like basement. Krad unfolded his wings, encasing him in a warm cocoon of white feathers.

"Thanks," Satoshi whispered.

It would give them some more time, but they would have to leave sooner or later. Right now, it was later. Holding his demon, Satoshi contented in stroking over the slender form, feeling the living, breathing warmth resting against him, and hoping that whatever Daisuke and Dark were talking about, they could solve this.  
   
* * *

Dark had spent the night on the roof, legs drawn to his chest, gazing at the stars. He had watched the lights come on and go out in the houses, had watched people come and go until it was late and most went to bed. The cold of the night didn't bother him. It was almost welcome, clearing his head and giving him a way too clear insight into what he had done.

Neither Satoshi nor Krad had returned until the wee morning hours. Well, Satoshi had returned and Dark had hoped that Krad had merged with his host and was resting.

 _Stupid. So stupid! Me and my big mouth!_

It had been meant as a joke, to have some fun, but he had unwillingly launched Krad into a flashback or something, opened up something that had now driven a wedge into their relationship.

 _I'm so sorry_ , he moaned silently. _I didn't mean to… I didn't want to hurt you._

But he had and the wounds were deep – because they were old wounds.  
   
 

Dark found no solution in his solitary confinement on the roof and finally came down just as Daisuke came out of the bathroom. He nodded toward the kitchen and the kaitou followed, sliding noiselessly onto a kitchen stool and gratefully accepting a coffee.

"Is he home?" he asked softly.

"Yes. He and Satoshi came home together. He's resting. Sato's getting ready for his lecture on internet security today."

Dark nodded and sipped at his coffee. Daisuke silently made himself some toast, then gazed at him, the brown eyes warm and empathic.

"Dark?"

He looked up and met those empathic eyes. "Yes?"

"Come home."

Dark hadn't really felt the exhaustion in his mind until those two words. He merged with his Tamer and felt Daisuke gather him close. He reveled in the safety of being wrapped up in the young man's mind and relaxed.

~Give him a while to rest, too~ Daisuke said softly as he finished his breakfast.

~I never wanted this~ Dark whispered, repeating what he had whimpered in the arms of his host the evening before.

He was hugged. ~I know. And Satoshi knows. They both talked and we can get through this. Just give him time~

~As long as he needs~ Dark promised. ~I love him, Dai. I can't lose him again…~

The old pain came back and he moaned softly at the very idea that after those wonderful months where they had been reunited both entities might be separated again – by his stupid mistake.

Daisuke stroked over the shivering form. ~Krad loves you, too, Dark. I know it. You won't lose him~

The kaitou just curled up and whimpered again. He had made a mistake with Krad before, because of his arrogance, his big mouth and his… well, his temper, probably. Back then they hadn't been together yet, but now they were and Dark couldn't think of being without his other half.

~Get some rest~ Daisuke murmured, still caressing him. ~Sleep~

He drifted off under the gentle strokes and within the warmth of the only person that meant more to him than Krad.  
   
 

Daisuke leaned against the kitchen island, mug in hand, his attention turned inward to where Dark finally succumbed to his exhaustion. He smiled a little, keeping the soul of his demon close by, then finally rose from the depth of mind-communication –

\-- to find his lover watching him with knowing blue eyes.

Satoshi smiled and kissed him, then snatched the still half full mug from his fingers.

"Hey!" Daisuke protested.

"I'm in a hurry," Satoshi explained, grinning.

"So am I."

"Yes, but you're just off to university. I'm going to a seminar. As the presenter."

Daisuke snorted. "Just university?" he quoted. "I'll have you know that I'm slaving over my doctorate here! Just days away from Christmas Eve, too!"

Satoshi grinned again and snatched his shirt, pulling him close. A kiss was deposited on Daisuke's nose. "And I'll be proud to call you Dr. Niwa," he whispered.  
Daisuke chuckled, feeling better with the light banter. Holding Satoshi close, he looked into the blue eyes.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

His lover nodded. "Yes. I'm okay. Krad's sleeping. I take it Dark's too?"

"Yes. He's pretty out of it. And scared."

"So's Krad."

"You think we can patch this up?"

There was an odd expression in Satoshi's face that told Daisuke that his lover knew a lot more than he was willing to tell right now.

"Yes," he finally said softly. "But it takes time and it's up to Krad to tell Dark what he triggered."

"That bad, huh?"

A nod and Satoshi leaned against him, seeking reassurance that Daisuke was only too ready to give.

"That bad," he murmured. "I could curse my family for what they did, Dai. The chains, the exorcisms, everything… He was hurt so badly in the past and it's only now coming back, one horror at a time."

Daisuke hugged him closer. "At least he's talking about it to you."

"Yes. I'm glad he trusts me, Daisuke. More than anything I'm glad for that." Satoshi pushed back and inhaled deeply, smiling bravely. "I gotta go. See you tonight?"

Daisuke smiled. "Yes. I'm just over at the university to look up stuff and do some referencing."

"Tonight then." Satoshi kissed him. "Take care."

And with that he was gone.

Daisuke remained in the kitchen a while longer, wondering just what had been triggered inside the demon, then pushed that thought aside. For now he had his own life to manage and that included the university and a stack of old scribbles.

He was on his way fifteen minutes later, Dark still deeply asleep in his mind.

* * *

The situation didn't change much in the next two days. Krad remained inside Satoshi, who told Daisuke that while the demon was recovering, he was also extremely clingy and needy. He refused to leave his host and Satoshi didn't force him. Dark had developed the same need, staying with Daisuke, curled up close to his Tamer, needing the reassurance that Daisuke, at least, wouldn't dismiss or ignore him.

It was on Christmas when the usual family dinner at the Niwas was prepared when things changed. Daisuke had secretly been hoping to get some help from his mother, who was rather perceptive when it came to such things, and he wasn't disappointed. Emiko picked up on the unbalanced vibes from the two demons immediately, though only Dark came out.

Looks were exchanged and Daisuke followed his mother into the kitchen to give her a run-down of events.  
   
 

Emiko listened to her son explain what had happened three days ago and while she was amused, she was also shocked about the violent reaction from Krad. The blond demon had changed immensely from the psychotic maniac who had forced his will on Satoshi and tried to kill Daisuke to get to Dark. It had taken her a while to see it, but now she understood that the Krad Satoshi now sheltered wasn't the one who had tormented him throughout his childhood. And ever since Dark and Krad had found each other, things had truly been smooth and balanced.

Not so tonight.

It took no great mind-reader to see the unhappiness the kaitou radiated. Sure, Dark had tried, but he wasn't fooling anyone, least of all the family who was genetically predisposed to be his host.

"Only Satoshi knows the full extent of what Krad relived, but it was bad, mom. Very, very bad," Daisuke finished.

Emiko nodded thoughtfully. "I guess they've been evading each other?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Daisuke nodded, unhappy. "We both tried to get them together, but Krad's shying away and Dark keeps repeating that he won't trigger him again if he can help it."

She sighed, almost throwing up her hands. "Like children!"

Daisuke chuckled a little. "Yeah, in a way." Then he grew serious. "Mom, he's scared. Dark believes that Krad is avoiding him because he doesn't want him any more. I tried to tell him that Krad needs time, but Dark… he's so convinced that he's on his own once more, it's tearing him apart." He hesitated a little, then added, "I know how he feels, to an extent. I wouldn't know what to do without Satoshi, but for them it's even more complicated. They're part of the same work of art, two souls that belong together, and the last three hundred years showed just what can happen should they be forced apart."

Emiko smiled warmly at her son and patted his hand. "That won't happen, Dai. Dark just needs to get his mind straight. I think I can help, but you and Satoshi have to get Krad to come out and be able to confront him."

Daisuke answered the smile. "I think we can do that."

She straightened, suddenly looking very much into the business, and Daisuke had to stifle a laugh. His mother could be one strong-willed person, a bulldozer no one could evade or stop, and right now that bulldozer was heading for Dark.

* * *

Krad stepped out onto the balcony. It was a cool night; not unpleasant, though. The view of the ocean from here was unrivalled and the surf could be heard crashing against the rocks from below. The air smelled of salt and the sea, and to the left and to the right the lights of more houses gleamed in the darkness.

It was a clear night and the stars and quarter moon shed enough light to show him his counterpart standing to one side, black wings out, enveloping him like a feathery blanket. Dark was leaning against the outer wall of the house where the balcony touched it, eyes in the distance, the amethyst eyes reflecting the light.

As he came closer, each step silent and measure, he thought of his host's words.

He had to talk to his lover, explain, let him in, and as much as Krad didn't want Dark to know about his past, about the horrors and the nightmares, he had to confess that Dark knew most of it already. He had shared it with him in his desperation and hopelessness after he and Satoshi had been reunited, after his host had rejected him, hurt him…

Krad bit his lower lip and stopped. Dark hadn't moved, but it seemed like he was looking at him nevertheless.

"Got your head washed by Emiko, too?" the kaitou asked.

Krad almost smiled. "No, but a host can be very persistent, too."

Dark glanced at him and Krad took in the pale, drawn features, the shadows in his eyes that couldn't even be hidden by the darkness around them.

"We need to talk," Krad stated.

A shudder raced through the slender frame and the huge eyes suddenly looked at him. An expression of suffering crossed those drawn features and a whisper, a plea, reached the demon's ears.

"I'm so sorry, Krad. So terribly sorry. I… whatever you want… I'll do it. I never intended to hurt you. It was a joke… fun… I didn't think… as usual…"

Krad swallowed, drawn to the despair like a moth to the flame and he came closer.

"You kissed Satoshi," he said softly.

"It was a mistletoe!" Dark argued weakly. "It's a tradition. It could have been Emiko or Daisuke or… Whiz! It was just fun!"

"You accused me of sleeping with my host."

The dark-haired demon seemed to sink into himself. The wings hugged the slender body more tightly.

"I was angry," he whispered. I was angry at your reaction, for not understanding, for being so… possessive…"

"Satoshi is my host, Dark. He's everything to me, just like Daisuke is everything to you."

"I know." The voice was small and lost. "I… I don't really know what drove me…"

"Dark, are you jealous of the closeness Satoshi and I share?" Krad finally asked the one question that had been coursing through his head in the last two days.

Dark's head snapped up and he gaped. "W-what?"

"Are you jealous?" he repeated the question.

"No! I mean… you and Satoshi… it's like me and Daisuke."

"Exactly. So why the hateful words?"

There was a moment of silence, then Dark shivered again. "Because I was hurt by your reaction to the kiss."

"What would you have done if I had kissed Daisuke?"

"You didn't."

"Pretend I'd do it right now."

Dark swallowed. "I'd be angry," he whispered.

"And so was I. It might have been the mistletoe, but you didn't do it last year. Only this year. After we had become lovers."

Another swallow. "Sorry," Dark whispered, looking away.

"There's no reason to feel jealous, Dark. I love you."

Another shiver. "I know," was the weak confession.

"But it hurt me to be accused of physically abusing Satoshi."

Another whimpered 'I know'.

Huge violet eyes met his eyes and Krad winced. Dark was close to completely withdrawing.

"And I want to tell you why I reacted that way when you said it," the demon added, voice firm.

Dark blinked. "Y-you do?"

"Yes. I need you to know, Dark. I want you to understand…" Krad stopped, hesitant, then he continued, "I want you to understand why this recalled a memory of my past." He reached out and caressed one cold, pale cheek. "I love you, Dark Mousy. And I trust you. With my very soul."

"And your memories," Dark whispered.

"Yes, my memories. My past."

Krad drew him close and unfurled his wings, enveloping the slender form in his arms.

"I want you to know, to understand who I am," he murmured into one ear. "And to understand it myself."

Dark melted against him, seeking contact and warmth. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't thank me before I've told you," Krad replied wryly. "You might wish you never knew that of me."

"Wrong. I do want to know."

He drew back, holding out one hand that Dark took. "Not here. Inside."  
   
 

They took the window that led into Daisuke's old room and settled on the bed, wings returning into their bodies. Krad wanted to cuddle into his lover's embrace, feel his safety and warmth while he told him what Satoshi knew already, but he knew he would never be able to tell the whole tale that way. So they sat next to each other, their backs against the wall, legs outstretched, and Krad began.

* * *

He held him in his arms, listening to the soft breaths, felt the rise and fall of the lithe body, felt the warmth seeping into him from all the points of contact, and Dark wondered how in the world Krad had ever survived the horrors of his existence. How could he still be so… normal? True, he had been a psychotic maniac out to kill him and they had fought bitterly for three centuries, but Krad's mind had survived all of that. It had gone through hell more than once, had come back, cracked but not shattered, and while he had been broken, he had also mended. Damaged, jaded, but still so very… alive.

Dark stroked over the blond hair and felt his lover shift. Strong, slender hands caressed his side and he smiled. They hadn't done anything but lie here, in Daisuke's old room, curled up with each other, and listening to the sounds of the house.

There were voices downstairs, sometimes laughter, and the smell of food. The warmth of the Niwa home was almost palpable, even up here where no tree had been erected, where no one was sitting together, talking, having a good time, catching up on things. Still, the Niwas were his home, like Krad had had the Hikari… only that he had never had warmth until… Satoshi.

And Dark had accused him of the most vile thing…

"I love you," he whispered, kissing the blond head.

Golden eyes blinked up at him from where Krad was resting comfortable against his lover.

"Love you," Krad replied.

There was so much he wanted to say, apologize again and again, beg Krad for forgiveness over and over, but his lover had made it clear that what had happened, while a black moment in their relationship, was past.

They had to get over it.

And they would. Eventually.

Dark still had to summon the courage to look Satoshi into the eyes again, and he had to apologize to him, too.

Just an insane moment, a moment where his mouth had been faster than his brain, driven by anger and maybe even jealousy, and he had damaged something that was so good, so precious, Dark would do everything to patch it up again.

He ran his fingers through the golden strands and rolled them onto the back. Looking down into the beloved face, he bent and placed a kiss on Krad's lips. It was answered and the two men lost themselves in the affectionate contact.

"I don't want to lose you, Krad. Not to my fast mouth. Never. Just… hit me over the head the next time, okay?"

Krad chuckled. He was still too pale for Dark's liking and the shadows of his memories were present in the back.

"Deal," he murmured.  
   
 

They stayed up in the room until Emiko's voice demanded to know if they were still alive up there. And to stop whatever dirty games they were playing. It was time to get some food into them.

Dark laughed softly, head buried against Krad's neck. Krad echoed the laughter and smiled.

"I think we should heed this first warning," he said softly.

"Yes, probably. So, hungry?"

"Ravenous."

They went downstairs, their hosts shooting each a quizzical look, and Dark grinned at Daisuke, who gave him a relieved smile. Krad just nodded at Emiko, thanking her silently for her intervention, then gave his host a warm look.

Dark knew it was far from over. They had just started to heal up the wound he had so cruelly opened and it would take time. He would be patient and he would try to help, give his lover the time and maybe even sometimes necessary distance to work through this.

He loved Krad.

He would do everything to see him whole, healthy, complete.

Those golden eyes now looked at him, holding a promise, and Dark felt a few more knots loosen up and dissolve.

 _I love you_ , he projected with his own eyes.

The message was understood, the words accepted, and he smiled.

* * *

That night, in their own home, they lay together, naked, close as could be, enveloped in the warmth of the blanket and an additional cover. Dark felt the reassuring warmth of the body of his lover, listened to his gentle breathing as Krad slept, as the demon held him close, and he smiled slightly to himself.

This was what he wanted and needed, and he would go through hell to keep it. And he would grow up. More than he already had.

No more stupid jokes, no more brainless ideas. Krad was far from fragile, but he was burned from his own past, needed the reassurance that the world he now had wouldn't be destroyed again. He needed Satoshi and he needed Dark, just like Dark himself needed his own Tamer and his blond, golden-eyed lover.  
   
 

In another bedroom, Daisuke was already asleep, worn out by the heated round of loving, and Satoshi watched him fondly, playing with a strand of dark hair. Part of him was listening for anything coming from his demon, but Krad didn't radiate any distress.

Good.

Very good.

Another catastrophe mastered.

Blue eyes gazed out of the window and he buried deeper into the blankets, closer to the warmth that was Daisuke.

There was so much pain and abuse in Krad's mind and soul, and the demon was valiantly trying to keep afloat on those dark memories. Satoshi knew them now, knew what ran so deeply in that tortured soul, and he knew that Krad needed him… them…

Not that he would ever leave him, push him away, or do what his ancestors had done to the beautiful being. Satoshi would protect him down to his very last breath. Krad knew that now, and hopefully it would give him a firmer base for the future.

Daisuke moved in his sleep and Satoshi's attention returned to the young man at his side. He smiled, feeling sleepy.

Another Christmas mastered.

Hopefully next year would be less prone to catastrophes. He had had enough for now.

Really.  
   
 

Outside, the world was drowned in a blanket of snow, the moon and stars sparkling in the night sky. It was frigidly cold, with the wind picking up. Inside the shared home of Tamers and demons, warmth permeated the soul of each and every one of them.


End file.
